All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
and the best one: (this one bugs the crap out of me personally)
Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
And my source so you don’t think I wrote these: The New Bible for Women 
Wandering the Interwebs 